Crash Into Me
by anatomyaddict
Summary: Starting with the Season Two Finale... hardcore MerDer, but MerFinn too. Meredith and Derek both have big decisions to make but some events will make their choices even harder. COMPLETED WITH CHAPTER 8! Please read and review!
1. Decisions

I. Decisions

Song: In My Head by Anna Nalick

MEREDITH

"Mer." His voice. Minutes ago, she had him, every part of him, but now, the reality told her not to trust his offer. He was still married after all. Nevertheless, his eyes, pleading her to trust him and be with him, they were hard to turn from. She was meant to be with him, there was no doubt, but could she, was now the right time?

_Under the weight of your wings  
You are a god and whatever I want you to be  
And I wonder if truly you are  
Nearly as beautiful as I believe_

"Meredith?" Finn. Finn who had plans, who wanted her, dreamed for a life with her. His dream was the same that Meredith had with Derek, before. Before Addison, and the bomb, and George, and tonight. Tonight had been the most amazing night of all, but for that moment of happiness, a balance of hell was sure to come. Finn was safe: not married, stable, and willing to help her through all her damaged baggage, her shit. She should go with Finn; it was a safe choice, of course.

Half an hour ago, she had forgotten all the crap. Derek wasn't married when they were together earlier. He was simply a man in love with a woman. In love with her. That speech that Derek told her was the thing showing he was still madly in love with her. It took all of that for her to realize. He had never been emotionally married, which meant that their relationship had never really ended. He had never really been her friend; he simply was still trying to keep their relationship at some level. But Doc, when he died, symbolized the end to their "friends" stage, because, seriously, who were they kidding with the "friends" shit. Friends don't do what they did earlier that evening. Friends don't make love quite that passionately; she was one to know that, for sure.

_In my head  
Your voice  
You've got all that I need  
And this make believe will get me through  
Another lonely night  
_

Back to reality. Meredith moved towards Derek, but told Finn to wait for just a moment. She leaned over to Derek's ear, not sure what she would say. Finally, she whispered, "Finn is dropping me off at home. Call me later when YOU figure out what this whole night means, because I have quite an idea of it." She tapped his shoulder politely, making sure not to let on to those around that what she had just said was not just a friendly goodbye. With that, she walked up to Finn and side by side, they walked out of the hospital and to his car.

Finn drove Meredith to her door. Neither one of them had said more than two words the entire way home. She simply didn't know what to say. To hurt such an honest and loving person was killing Meredith, but Finn was one to understand. He had been in love and lost it as well. Moving on was the only option he had, but Meredith had one option that Finn did not, and that was to go back to her love. To the one person who had changed her life indefinitely. "Finn, I'm sorry about tonight. Everything that happened tonight was big, and things need to be straightened out. Right now, Izzie needs me. And Finn, I'm just sorry."

"Meredith, you just said sorry twice. Now I know that I don't know what happened tonight, but I understood the first time you said you were sorry, however that second "sorry" was for something else. I could hear it in your voice. I know you're not ready to talk yet, but we need to. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Thank you." Meredith closed the door to the car, trying not to let her tears show as she walked to the door. Finn was a wonderful man and very smart, and Meredith needed him very much to get back on her feet after Derek, but she was slipping. This made her realize that she needed Finn even more. For if Derek broke her heart again, Meredith would need his shoulder. She knew that she was using him, but Meredith was so out of sorts at the time that it became the farthest thought from her mind.

DEREK

He watched her leave with Finn. He was so angry and upset that he felt like smashing the glass steps they were walking down. He didn't know what he was going to do. He needed Meredith and his emotions were running away with him. Running away like they had moments earlier when he had done what he promised he would never do. He had cheated on Addison, who he knew he would never forgive for cheating on him. His marriage and responsibilities had been important to him because he was the good guy. But Meredith changed all of that. He still wanted the responsibility and the marriage, just not with Addison. He wanted to wake up next to Meredith everyday for the rest of his life. He needed her; in the same way he once thought he had needed Addie. But this time he felt the difference: age and wisdom. Even in his most idiotic moments, he felt like maturity and understanding made him realize his love for Meredith and need to have her. He knew Meredith, and he knew he needed to talk to Addison before even attempting to contact her. He began to walk, not sure where his feet were leading him, but eventually ended up at his office. He reached for his second desk drawer once inside the office. The second drawer was a very important drawer; it held an unmistakably important file. The divorce papers that he never found the courage to sign. He pulled them out of the drawer and stuffed them in his coat. He knew he needed to talk to Addison, and soon before he lost his strength once again.

_Under the weight of your wings  
Should ever we meet on your side of your stereo  
I will pretend I know not of your thoughts  
And even the way that they mirror my own  
I'll take you away in the way that you take me and go where I go  
_

As Derek walked out of his office he saw Addison closing the door to the Chief's office. She had been consoling him on the events of the night. She didn't see Derek walking behind her, but he was hurrying to catch up to her. He put his hand on her shoulder and tried to give his best reassuring smile, which he sure was not very convincing at this point. "Addison." She turned around, looking like she was ready to blow. He knew she was in a bad mood and probably had some idea of what was going on with Meredith and him.

"What is it, Derek?" Addison asked impatiently. He knew she was looking for him to say something comforting, but he couldn't find the words.

_Fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat  
Melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet  
Love on repeat  
I'm echoing all your philosophies_

"Addison." He was losing his nerve. He couldn't do this to her. Not here, not now. Was it right to leave his wife, he did have responsibility and a definite obligation, after all. He needed a sign, some sort of clue that he was on the right track back to the happiness he hadn't felt in so long. Just then Derek, standing with Addison, put his hand in his coat pocket, trying to ease his nerves. And there it was. Sweet mother of all that is good and kind. Holy shit …Seriously, it was them. Small and black. Meredith's panties were in his coat pocket. How the hell had they gotten there? Then he remembered when they started to undress…Wait, he needed to focus. Addison was standing right there watching him. This was his sign, if this wasn't another reason for remembering his motives for all of this, he didn't know what was. He recollected himself and finally got up the courage to speak….

_In my head  
Your voice  
You've got all that I need  
And this make believe will get me through  
Another lonely night_


	2. Ice Cream and Sex

**Hi! I meant to write an intro to the first chapter but i'm new to this site and its taking a bit to learn how to do this. This story goes much deeper into their thoughts than most... I like to do that to rationalize the decisions (I hope) they make in the future. I have a plan for this story but I've only written two and a half chapter, I'm quite slow at this. Please comment! I'd really appreciate the critisism... and I really hope you like the story, i know i've had fun writing it so far!**

**Disclaimer: I also think i'm suppost to do one of those disclaimer things... so I'll just point out that as much as I'd love to own Patrick Dempsey and his beautiful self, I own nothing, except the Season DVD, that's the closest i'll ever get to these characters.**

**thanks, anatomycd**

II. Ice Cream and Sex

Song: My Oh My by David Gray

MEREDITH

Slowly, Meredith turned the key to open the door to her house. As she opened the door, she prepared herself for the sight she might see. She knew right now she had serious problems, but Izzie's troubles were much more severe. She opened the door to George and Izzie sitting at the kitchen table. She smelled a pot of coffee on the stove, and headed towards the kitchen, wondering what she could do to help. Just then, Alex barged in from the living room. "Izzie, what can I get you, let me go to the store for you." Alex pleaded. Meredith just watched, as if she was an outsider on the whole situation.

"Thank you, but, Alex, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't deal with this anymore. I just want to crawl under my bed and never come out again."

"Izzie," Alex repeated in the same calm and somber tone, "I know that words can't describe how devastated you are, and I know you'd rather be anywhere else but here, but Iz, everything happens for a reason, and I know you can pull through. Please, let us, your friends, do anything we can for you."

Meredith stood unaware that her mouth was gaping open. This wasn't the Alex she knew, this was like, Super-Alex, the guy girls always dream about. She couldn't believe how wonderful he was being, and he knew this would only help Izzie through faster.

Alex started to walk out of the room and walked towards Meredith as he went. He stopped, leaned over and whispered in her ear, "God, Meredith, where have you been? Have you been out doing some McSomeone while Izzie here needed her friends?" Never mind, the ass was back. Alex smirked, to show he was kidding; if he only knew he had hit the nail square on the head.

_What on earth is going on in my heart  
Has it turned as cold as stone  
Seems these days I don't feel anything  
Less it cuts me right down to the bone  
What on earth is going on in my heart_

Meredith shook it off and walked over towards Izzie, feeling even guiltier for not being there. As she walked, the doorbell rang, and she turned around to answer it. When she got to the door, she saw Cristina. "Funny seeing you here, is Burke alright?"

"Yea, thanks, Burke's fine, but I had to get some rest for the night. I couldn't go back to our apartment though, it's like being surrounded by his personality, and right now, not knowing if he can ever operate again, I just can't be around that. Any chance I can stay here the night?"

"Come on in, we could use some help with Izzie anyway. You're welcomed to stay."

Cristina rushed in the door and dropped her bag. Both girls made their way to the kitchen, but George met them halfway. "Hey, I finally got Izzie to agree to some ice cream, do you guys mind going to get some from the store?"

Meredith and Cristina agreed and headed towards Meredith's car. She got in and Cristina followed. Meredith had barely begun to back out of the driveway when Cristina decided that it was time to talk. "So, something's up with you; what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on, I'm fine, just worried about Izzie and Burke…"

Cristina interrupted her. "You've had sex."

Meredith jumped, and the car swerved a little. She tried not to let it show. "Excuse me… I have not."

"Oh ho ho, Good grief. It was McVet right, is he good? He's really hot; he looks like he'd be fun."

Meredith was panicking; should she tell Cristina what had happened? "I did not," Meredith swallowed before finishing her sentence, "have sex with Finn."

Cristina looked confused. "But Meredith, I know you too well for this, you've had sex, tonight. And if it wasn't McVet…" Meredith let out a big breath of air, and tried to keep the straightest face she could. Cristina looked up; she had put all the pieces together. "Holy crap, Meredith, you did McDreamy!"

Meredith's emotions were all flowing back. She couldn't hold it in any longer. "Cristina, I need a drink really bad. I need to go to Joe's because tequila is the only thing that will ease my pain right now. What in the freaking hell have I done."

_My oh my you know it just don't stop  
It's in my mind I wanna tear it up  
I've tried to fight it tried to turn it off  
But it's not enough  
It takes a lotta love  
It takes a lotta love my friend  
To keep your heart from freezing  
To push on till the end  
My oh my_

"Slow down, we know you've got problems beyond belief right now, but we still have to get Izzie some ice cream. So you're going to drive to the store, and tell me what all happened the entire way, because holy crap, this is the craziest thing ever. Tequila is probably not your best solution tonight, so go on, spill."

Meredith sighed. Cristina was right; this was the craziest thing ever. Situations like this only happened to her, and she had so much to tell. This was going to be one of the longest runs for ice cream in history.

DEREK

"_Addison." He recollected himself and finally got up the courage to speak..._

This was the moment. This moment had needed to happen for ages, even before Mark, and Meredith had even come in to the equation. "Addison, we need to talk. This time, we really are going to talk."

"Ok, Derek, I agree. We do need to sit down and talk. Do you want to go somewhere or have it out right here in the hall, because that didn't work to well for me last time."

He smirked. Derek had been with Addison for a long time and he understood her. This time she realized it too, it was more than time for them to finally follow their hearts away from each other. "Come with me to my office, we can talk there."

Addison followed Derek to his office and he shut the door. They began to argue, about who knows what. Derek had gotten use to all of her yelling and anger, he had plenty of it himself. Finally, after a few minutes, Derek folded his hands and closed his mouth. He waited, and soon Addison did the same. "Addison, I don't want to fight with you anymore." Just as Derek began to say those words he had dreaded for so long, he heard the same come from her mouth. "I'm ready for a divorce." Derek looked shocked but Addison seemed to expect it. After all Addison had fought through to be with him, why would she be asking for a divorce too. He decided to let her speak first, because he was too shaken to say anything at all.

_What on earth is going on in my head  
You know I used to be so sure  
You know I used to be so definite  
Thought I knew what love was for  
I look around these days and I'm not so sure_

"Derek, I just talked to the chief, and Mark is coming back." Derek began to speak but Addison stopped him. "Derek I love you, but I know you don't love me. When you look at me, I see the longing for Meredith in your eyes. It's not her fault, and frankly, I'm not even sure it's yours. You tried; everyone knows you did. But as much as I would have like to believe you were married to me, you weren't. I never had you emotionally and I don't even think you realized it. Derek, as much as I love you, I hold a secret. I am in love with two men. Two strong and amazing men. I am in love with Mark too, and I thought I had forgotten that when we got back together. However, I understand your love for Meredith, that's how I feel for Mark, so I think it's just about time we stopped torturing ourselves and actually went after what we want."

Derek didn't quite know what to say. He couldn't believe they were actually at this point. He was relieve and shocked, not really sure of where to go from here. "You'll always be part of my family, Addison, but I know that together, we haven't been in love for quite some time now. I'm in love with Meredith. I have been since before I told you, and it hasn't gone away. I can't get her out of my mind, I feel like I've absolutely gone crazy. I can't focus on anything, she's always in my thoughts, and I'm sorry. I wish I could still be with you and we could be happy. Addison, I really am just sorry."

_My oh my you know I just can't win  
I burn it down it comes right back again  
What kinda world is this we're living in  
where you never win  
It takes a lotta love  
It takes a lotta love these days  
To keep your heart from freezing  
To keep your spirit free_

Addison looked back into his eyes. "Derek, it's ok, I understand that you're sorry, but that's not all. The second time you said 'I'm sorry' was for something else, and even though I don't understand, I figure it's probably better I didn't." Just then, Derek caught Addison's eye. She knew. She had figured out that something had happened between Meredith and himself tonight that changed everything. He was thankful she didn't ask because he truthfully didn't know if he had the heart to tell her.

Addison was tearing up. "So where are those damn papers so that we can get this over with." She began wiped her eyes, but Derek leaned in with a tissue and finished for her.

"Thank you, Addison." And with that, both Addison and Derek signed the papers symbolizing the end of their troublesome marriage and a new beginning in the opposite direction.


	3. One Night

**Hi! Yea, this would be my third chapter... in one day... but that's becuase i have to work tomorrow and the next day, so there's little time for updating! Anyway, this chapter is just a good transition, not my favorite... but this story is much like the show in the fact that just when things are getting good, things go bad... there's your forewarning. Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. I know i get anxious wating for some of my favorite authors on this site to update, and i like to think you guys feel the same way about my story! so here it is, enjoy!**

**Reminder... I promise I own nothing. These are all Shonda's characters, I'm merely building on this story... but if this were the perfect world, and I did for some reason own everything... my name would be Meredith, and this story would go straight to the good stuff! (haha) **

**thanks, anatomycd**

III. One Night

Song: Far Away by Nickelback

MEREDITH

Meredith and Cristina had spent an amazing amount of time picking out ice cream, because what had happened earlier in the evening was not an easy or quick story to tell. Cristina listened intently but always threw in her snide remarks. Meredith was used to it, and it would be wrong to tell Cristina the story without have a few comments thrown back at her. It was hard to admit to anyone, even her best friend that she had actually gone through with it, and done the unthinkable. She had slept with a married man, with whom she had known was married! It was official. If she hadn't been the dirty mistress before, she certainly was now. The part that was hardest to explain though, was the fact that in that moment, Derek hadn't been married, and even though she had no idea what the future might hold, Meredith would never forget or regret those few precious moments with the man she loved. The forbidden man that she couldn't have, but wanted more than anything else in the world.

Although something about the night had given Meredith hope. Before, Meredith simply thought that Derek was having massive trouble getting over her, the woman he liked. But tonight, she realized that Derek was still having massive trouble getting over her, but she wasn't just a crush. She was the woman he loved, and that meant more than anything else. She knew he couldn't live with her, and if he would simply realized that there was no going back to a good relationship with Addison tonight, maybe they could start over, and be genuinely happy, which they both deserved.

_This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left_

Through all of her rambling, Cristina truly seemed to understand Meredith's feeling. However, Cristina's "what ifs" seemed to be outweighing Meredith's positives of the relationship. Cristina finally asked one question that Meredith seemed to have to think twice on. Cristina asked, "what about McVet, do you just give up on him. What if he has the possibility to be more of a lover and mate that Derek does. Are you going to give him a chance to try?"

Meredith agreed, what about Finn? He had been there for her and brought her out of such a deep hole. Didn't he deserve the chance to be her other half. What if he was the one, not Derek. After all, Derek was still married. Maybe instead of running after Derek, she should be staying with Finn, if he would even have her after tonight. Two amazing men made it hard for Meredith. Even though she loved Derek, he mind kept wandering to the other possibilities.

_You Know_

_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

Meredith and Cristina finally walked into the house, but put the ice cream in the freezer when they found that they had finally gotten Izzie to sleep. George was in his room asleep, and Alex lay next to Izzie in her room. He was so obviously still in love with her, but it was her turn to play the "friend" card because he wanted to do anything he could to be close to her in a time of need. Meredith turned to Cristina. "Since everyone seems comfortably asleep in their rooms, I am more than happy to bring some blankets downstairs for you on the couch. It is a very comfortable couch, I promise. Shouldn't be too bad of a night's sleep."

Cristina, thankful for the hospitality, agreed and went downstairs with the blankets and pillows. After that, Meredith made her way to her room, taking only a second to get ready for bed before collapsing between the sheets. She began to drift off, when she heard her cell phone, which always slept on the pillow next to her, begin to ring. She sleepily looked at the Caller ID, but woke up fully with a start when she saw Derek's name on the screen. She thought for a second about ignoring the call, but found herself unconsciously flipping the top to the phone.

DEREK

What a night. This had been the most eventful evening. He couldn't believe he was sitting here, in the middle of the night, calling Meredith. Oh, the nerve he'd had tonight: to make love to Meredith, to call it quits with Addison, and to be chasing after Meredith once again. He was praying she would answer, but wouldn't be surprised if he was asked to leave a message.

He and Addison had ended on better term than he could have ever dreamed of. Almost too good… She seemed so understanding, it was a complete turnaround. Mark coming back to Seattle was the least of his worries because Addison was happy and it made it easier to try things again with Meredith. Derek knew that Addison wouldn't stay in the trailer, but he offered to leave, at least for the night, because he knew she had nowhere to go without Mark in town yet. Derek had found himself driving. Simply turning the wheel and pressing the gas for what seemed like hours. He found a hotel, nice, but nothing special and rented a room. He didn't go in though, he simply used his advantage as a guest of the hotel to have a place for his car. He sat inside the car, contemplating the past year and replaying all of the significant events in his head. What if Addison hadn't cheated with Mark? Where would he be if he had never met Meredith? Would he still pretending he was happily married? Would he have taken Addison back if Bonnie, the patient from the train wreck hadn't said those eight simple words: 'if love were enough we'd still be together.'

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up_

Who cared about the 'what ifs', they were no longer an issue. The present was all that mattered. And his present situation was winning Meredith's heart. Tonight, and now in this time love was enough, and he was going to do anything to prove that to her. The phone rang once. No answer. By the third ring, he was about ready to hang up because he didn't feel it was right just to leave a message. As he was about to give up all hope on this call, he heard her voice, and it scared him just a little. He couldn't believe he was finally free to talk to her and carry on a real relationship. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

_I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it_

"Hello."

"Meredith. It's so nice to hear your voice. How are you?"

"Derek, what's going on? Are you ready to figure this out, because I refuse just to be the dirty mistress once again."

"We did it. I finally did it. Addison and I signed the papers. We're divorced."

"Seriously, You… and I… and, wow. Divorced."

"Seriously." He knew it wasn't what she expected, because it seemed like they would never say divorce. Derek wanted to see Meredith and he knew he was slowly winning her back. He went on, gaining confidence in his voice with each word. "Let me see you. I need to see you because I want to talk in person."

"I don't know, Derek. So much has happened tonight. Should we move this fast?"

"Please, let me come pick you up now. I want to take you somewhere special."

Meredith gave in. He knew she wanted to see him. However, he also knew she was scared, because with him, anything seemed to happen, and he knew that Meredith was more reluctant this time because of it. "Ok, give me ten minutes."

"Alright, I'll be there in ten minutes." Derek was excited, he was hungry to see her and he couldn't wait to get this whole thing talked out so that they were free to move on and be together happily.

Derek started the car and headed straight over to Meredith's, getting ready for a conversation that could either turn into the best night ever, or the biggest fight yet.

_Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go_


	4. SplitSecond Changes

**I'm going to start by saying how excited it makes me to come on the website and read these great reviews. I get hooked to other stories on this site too, and i'm glad to know that some of you are hooked to mine. I love this chapter and I thoughtit went extremely well, the end is... well just wait and see. I haven't started the next chapter yet, i'm usually more on the ball than this, but i will try to update a good bit this weekend. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Shonda is genius, I merely expand on her thoughts, becuase if i was her, or is it if she was me... anyway I would have put Patrick Dempsey in a contract that included moreMerDer scenes, and a dinner date with myself.**

IV. Split-Second Changes

Song: Hands Open by Snow Patrol

MEREDITH

"Hi" Meredith said as she walked out of her front door to meet Derek, who was standing, patiently waiting for her.

"You look stunning." Meredith had sleepily put on a bit of makeup, and changed from pajama bottoms into jeans, but as always, was wearing her Dartmouth t-shirt. Derek's favorite.

Derek continued, "Just when I thought you couldn't take my breath away anymore than you did earlier this evening."

Meredith laughed. Yes, tonight he was being McDreamy, but Meredith had to be careful not to fall too hard for it. She headed towards his car. After he opened her door, he got in to the driver's side. It was getting to be early morning by this point, but it was still completely dark out. Meredith knew this lack of sleep would be catching up with her at some point. "So what do you have in store for us, this lovely evening—wait, I mean morning." Meredith smiled… she had started to do that more often lately, and it felt nice. Moving on from Derek had brought her happiness, but she was with him and still happy, that was a good sign.

"Well, Dr. Grey, I thought that we'd take a break from all of the hospital drama for a while and go to one of my favorite places." Derek turned onto a long narrow road. At the end of the road was a dock, but this wasn't just any dock… it was the dock where the ferryboats came. Although in the middle of the night there were no running boats, there were two resting at the dock, and the view was spectacular. There was a grassy hill near the dock, and Derek, with a basket in hand, led her up this hill, to a flat area. Meredith laughed as he spread out a red and white checkered picnic blanket and pulled out a bottle of wine. It was picture perfect, almost wrong to be so right.

_Why would I sabotage_

_The best thing I have_

_Well it makes it easier to know_

_Exactly what I want_

She looked at Derek as he began to unscrew the cork from the bottle. "How'd you get to be such a romantic, Derek Shepherd? It's unreal. What else have you got in that basket?"

Meredith rummaged through the basket, but there wasn't much else in it. However, Meredith laughed at what was in the basket. She pulled out some brownies and a full bottle of tequila.

Derek proceeded to explain himself. "The wine was just for the romantic effect. I know you hate the stuff. Tequila is our thing. And the brownies, well they're to soak up the alcohol. You know you're not supposed to drink on an empty stomach. Look in the basket; I think there are two shot glasses at the bottom"

A couple of shots later, Meredith was feeling a little silly, and Derek looked quite happy himself. Although, neither one of them seemed drunk enough to forget that subject at hand. Meredith was ready to talk about what was going to happen from here, but they were having too much fun at the moment. Meredith laid her head in Derek's lap. Yea, she must have been drunk after all. She had promised she wouldn't do this. No more tequila tonight. Time to focus. She half-listened to Derek drabble on about how happy he was in this moment, but her mind was wandering. She knew what he was saying and didn't have to listen to every word, but she wondered, was she feeling the same way? It seemed that Meredith had much more guilt than Derek did. They had sex. Afterwards, Meredith went off with her boyfriend, now being the dirty mistress again. But this time, she knew it, and would have to face the victim of it all, Addison, every day. Sure, Derek had cheated too, but he had gotten out of his problem. Meredith still felt married to hers. She wasn't quite sure how to fix this in her heart and find happiness with the one she loved too.

_It's not as easy as willing it all to be right_

_Got to be more than hoping it's right_

_I want to hear you laugh like you really mean it _

_Collapse into me tired with joy_

Suddenly, Meredith thoughts were interrupted. She felt her cell phone, in her pocket, start to vibrate and then it began to ring. Derek didn't seem surprised. "Aren't you going to answer that." He plainly stated.

Meredith fumbled for the phone, at least to silence it. She looked at the name: FINN. Crap. He was ready, he wanted to talk about everything. She quickly silenced it. "I think it was Izzie, I forgot to leave a note saying where I had gone. She'll figure it out. It's fine." Derek didn't seem phased. He went back to stroking her hair and Meredith absentmindedly thought about what was going to happen when she did talk to Finn. Talking to Finn was definitely something she couldn't do now, around Derek, but she didn't know how she could ever talk to him. She checked the phone. He had left a message, but it didn't matter. For now, she was ready to talk thing out with Derek, and Finn would be the next hurdle in writing the ending to her story.

DEREK

He was happy. So damn happy he couldn't quite see straight, but that could have been the tequila talking as well. Meredith had her head on his leg, looking up at the stars. He knew he was rambling on about how happy he was to be with her, but she didn't seem to care, she seemed as content as he was, and that was all that mattered. When Meredith's cell phone had rung only a few minutes earlier, Derek had worried it might make a reason for her to need to leave, but it was Izzie, and he figured if Meredith thought she was fine, he was ok with it as well. He was worried about Izzie, she was one of Meredith's best friends, and Derek knew for a fact if he was in Izzie's shoes and that had been Meredith who had just died, he would be in even worse shape than Izzie.

Derek finally stopped talking. He was tired and thankful just to be laying there with Meredith. But he knew Meredith wanted to talk, meaningful talk. It was, after all, the reasoning for making a 3:00 AM call to see her. He heard Meredith begin to speak, and he was intent on trying to listen and comprehend every word.

"Why did you wait this long to divorce Addison?" Meredith stated plainly. "I'm sorry, Derek, that was probably rude, I'm just a little out of it. You don't have to answer if you want."

Derek knew better. She wanted an answer, and Derek had been thinking long and hard on how to answer this question. He decided it was time to try. "Meredith, a long time ago, someone once told me that love wasn't enough, that obligation and responsibility were the most important. And when it came to deciding between you and Addison, I chose the obligation over love, because I thought it was enough. Meredith, I swear to you, it wasn't enough. The thing I've learned is that love is enough and you should always follow your heart, a decision I'll always regret not making sooner. Addison will always be my family, but it's been a long time since she's been the love of my life, and she knows that as much as I do."

Meredith seemed to listen intently. He tried to make it sound so sincere, but the truth was he just wanted to scream that he loved her over and over. But that wasn't enough. Those three words, so overdone. She needed a real explanation, and he accepted that. When Derek had finished, Meredith, clearly trying to concentrate asked a second question.

"What do you think made Addison take the whole divorce thing so well, seems so unlike her?"

"Well, I don't know, could have been a number of things. I think she finally realized that it wasn't fair to either of us. Apparently she found it too obvious that I still love you." Derek laughed a little; that was the understatement of the year. "That and with Mark moving back to Seattle and everything…"

"What."

Oh, shit. He really just said that didn't he. He knew it was too soon to tell her, but it came out anyway, stupid, foolish man. Now Meredith would think the only reason they got a divorce was for Mark and Addison. Meredith would take this as Addison going directly after something she wanted, when it took almost a year to finally initiate a new relationship with her. Shit. Here came the big fight he was dreading.

_It's hard to argue when_

_You won't stop making sense_

_But my tongue still misbehaves_

_And it keeps digging my own grave_

"What the hell, Derek. Would you two have even have gotten a divorce if it wasn't for that?"

"Meredith, I promise, it had nothing to do with that, at least not for me. It was coincidence that when I asked for the divorce she told me that she had just found out about Mark. It just shows that I was more willing to try to make the relationship work when she came back than she would have been with me. I'm sorry and I love you, please forgive me."

Meredith sat up. "Seriously," she said. He was ready for the big blow. "You asshole." Meredith said, far too loudly. The he felt her lean in and kiss him. She kissed him so hard, with so much passion, that he fell back into a rather, well, comfortable position. He kissed her back, matching her force and passion. They continued to kiss, until Derek felt something under him. It was his beeper. Seriously, his beeper was going off in the middle of a heated kiss with Meredith. That sucked. However, being a top neurosurgeon, duty called. He sat back up and looked at the beeper. It was a 911 for a car crash victim at the hospital. He told Meredith the situation and asked if she'd mind going with him, as he would have no time to drop her off back at home. Even with all the alcohol, he felt as if he had sobered up enough to drive, and Meredith seemed much more coherent as well. She agreed, seemingly in a much better mood, and they raced to the car, and sped back to Seattle Grace.

_With my hands open_

_And my eyes open_

_I just keep hoping _

_That your heart opens_

Derek raced through the front doors of the hospital and down to the Pitt area. He had no time to change into scrubs, for need of doing an exam and evaluation on the patient. He told Meredith how serious the case was once he talked to a nurse and asked her to go on and change into scrubs so that she could scrub in on the surgery this person might need.

He walked into the room. A nurse presented him with the case before he even looked down at the patient. "34 year old Male. Brain and Spine trauma from a head on collision with a teenage drunk driver. Patient is not awake at the moment and keeps drifting in and out of consciousness. All we have of his identity came from his wallet."

Derek heard all of this and felt ready. He walked over to the patient and was stunned. But there was no time to think about the drama from who this man was. He had to get to work. Suddenly, he felt someone over his shoulder. It was Meredith, and as he turned around to explain to her what was going on, he saw her face go pale white. She was taken aback.

"Oh my God, Finn." She whispered.


	5. A Scary Place to Be

**So, I'd like to start by thanking you all for the more than awsome reviews. I haven't gotten any 'this sucks' reviews yet, so i'm taking that as a good sign (although it's quite alright if you think it sucks, at some points i think it does too!) To those worried about the Finn situation and the MerFinn thing, i can only say one thing: I am far from done with this story, and in order to keep it going, there has to be conflict... so here's the conflict! And, I just want to remind you that I'm all for the MerDer love! Anyway, Please read and review, it means so much to me! Reviews are addicting... seriously:) I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of these wonderful songs...I have to stop lying to myself! Although, I'd really appreciate an alert if anyone finds Patrick Dempsey for sale on Ebay! haha**

**-- anatomycd**

V. A Scary Place to Be

Song: Slow New York by Richard Julian

MEREDITH

She was sitting. She was alone. In the gallery, her back was facing the wall so that she couldn't see through the glass, because through that glass were two of the most important men in her life. Derek was operating on Finn, a procedure that would leave them guessing of his prognosis, if he would ever wake again. He had told her not to scrub in; it was a conflict of interest. Just when she thought things were turning around, that life was getting easier, this happened. However, Meredith wasn't surprised. This was just what happened, it always happened to her. She expected the torture, because she didn't know how it felt to be without it.

_She's drunk enough when she is sober_

_She don't need no alcohol_

_Don't need no artificial means_

_No amphetamines_

_To cause her to fall_

Finn had called her earlier, yet she still hadn't found the courage to listen to his message. Meredith was almost ashamed, but she didn't know why. It wasn't as if she knew this would happen. Yet, on the other hand, maybe if she had answered that call, she could have gotten to his side and saved him. She could have been with him in his time of need; he had certainly done the same for her. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to have to be in the middle of these two men. One, she loved, but he had screwed her over. The other, she didn't love, but he had fixed her when she was broken, and to that, Finn would always hold a place in her heart.

She found herself wondering how her mother had handled her affair with Dr. Webber and her decision to leave her husband, Thatcher. She was in the same position her mother had been in many years ago. Although she would never be able to forgive her mother for all the years of neglect and loneliness, she realized that she and Ellis had more in common than the family name. Her mother, originally with the safe guy, chose the challenge, her love. Meredith needed to know who to choose, be happy and safe, or dangerous and fully in love. Which was more important? However, Ellis had ended up alone, losing both men in her life, leading to a lifetime of loneliness and bitterness. Meredith differed in that aspect. Now that Derek was divorced, or soon to be, she had a choice. She was free to choose Derek or Finn, whichever she preferred. She knew she loved Derek, more than anything, but he hadn't always been the safe choice. Meredith had to decide if Derek was worth trusting this time, and where her loyalties would lie. Her head was spinning, she absolutely couldn't think. She needed to get all of this off her mind, because all of this, mixed with tequila were causing a major migraine. There was one thing she needed to do first. She stood up and walked out of the gallery, afraid to look down on Derek and Finn, and headed downstairs and outside of the hospital.

_She's like the rain in the middle of sunlight_

_These you confuse, but still reborn_

_I've been up all night having a ball_

_Staring at the view of my brick wall_

_In slow New York_

She sat on a bench right outside the front doors of the hospital. She lifted her cell phone. It was time to listen to Finn's message. That message was very important. Meredith hoped it held the answer to her problem, her choice. She hoped it contained information about where Finn had been, so maybe they could figure out what happened, and ease his recovery. She needed to listen to that message, but she was scared to death about what she may hear.

Meredith typed in her code and the message began. "_Hey Meredith, it's Finn. It's almost 3:00 in the morning, and I'm sorry to be leaving a message, but I'm glad you didn't answer, because I hope you're asleep. You really need it. I'm driving right now because I needed to clear my head. I didn't know what else to do. Meredith, I've fallen for you, I know I have. I've fallen in a way I didn't know possible after Liz's death. Meredith, you're in my dreams and I want to share my life with you, but there's something standing in our way. You're distracted. I know you've told me some of your past relationships, but I figured something out tonight. It's Derek, isn't it? You two are more than just friends, aren't you? I know you're confused right now, but I want to let you know…hey wait. Oh my God, Meredith I lo…" _After that, the message trailed off. She heard a car screeching to stop and then she heard a loud crash. That had been his wreck.

Meredith tilted her head back. She had no idea what to think, or do. She wanted to scream so loud that it woke all of Seattle. But, as always, Meredith expected the drama. Pretending nothing was wrong, she walked back inside, more than ready to find out the results of Finn's surgery.

DEREK

Well, this was awkward. Very, extremely awkward. Here he was, Derek Shepherd, a widely renowned neurosurgeon, operating on Finn, his vet. Yet, the most uncomfortable part of all of this was that Finn was still with Meredith. Meredith, the love of his life, who would have broken up with Finn and come back to him, if he was awake. This was crap. Absolute craziness. This kind of situation never happened to normal people. He felt like he was on a soap opera, or a TV show or something. Like someone was writing his life, feeding him what to say and do. Yet, he had no idea what to think, or how to act. He felt very alone and only wanted Meredith to be with him, and have the security of her presence, forever.

Derek finished the surgery on Finn. The operation was to remove an aneurysm that he had found in his brain from all the cranial and spinal trauma. He had easily found the aneurysm, and removed it, ensuring a full recovery. However, there was one thing that could delay the recovery: if Finn never woke up. From the fact that he was going in and out of consciousness before surgery, made it hard to tell if he would wake up. He could be in a coma for days, weeks, or even many months or years. It was up to Finn now, if he would ever wake up.

Once Derek had finished closing the wounds, he went back in the scrub room to wash his hands and find Meredith. Finn had no family here; he supposed they should call someone. However, he knew Meredith was still worried, and he needed to let her know the prognosis. Derek was clueless. He had no idea how Meredith was feeling about himself, or about Finn. He knew she loved him; she had let him know, many times. However, he knew that when Meredith had seen Finn lying on the table, that things had changed. Meredith had a choice, and Derek had no idea what she would decide. He would only fight like hell to keep her. But was it right? Was it right to try to win her heart when a man who might never wake up, with no family around, needed her? He had no idea what to do.

_I heard that cracking in the hallway_

_I wiped my eyes and turned on the light_

_I took some medicine from the shelf_

_Just a bad influence on myself_

_When you're out of sight_

This was one of those times when he needed a friend. Sure, he had Meredith; she was the best friend he could ask for. But he needed someone to talk to about his relationship, and what to do. Back in New York, Mark would have been his friend to talk to. They had been so close. Thinking back, he wondered if he and Mark were ever really friends. After all the advice that Mark gave him on his relationship with Addison had made it all the easier for Mark to get into her pants. He felt alone, very alone.

Derek headed towards the front of the hospital, when he spotted Meredith out on an empty bench, on her cell phone. He stood, watching her and waiting for the right moment to approach her. Meredith was right; he did watch her way too much.

He saw her close her phone and walked outside. Without saying a word, he sat down next to her. She barely looked up, but he knew she felt him there. "Meredith, we finished the surgery. He pulled through well, but we're just waiting to see if he wakes up. There's a strong possibility he may not. I'm so sorry. Should we call his family?"

Meredith leaned her head on Derek's shoulder, not saying a word. She just started to cry. He had seen her upset before, but this time he knew she was hysterical. Through sniffs and tears, she finally replied. "He has no family. His mother's dead. His wife is dead. His father is alive, but no better off than the rest. He's just like me. No mother, no father, no one. I have no idea who they would call to be there for me if I were in Finn's place."

_I thought she asked me for the world once_

_All she wanted was some comfort, nothing more_

_But like the mornings on Monday_

_These things are colored grey_

_In slow New York_

"I'm here for you, Meredith. If you were in Finn's place, they wouldn't be able to move me from your side. I would be there for you and I always will be." Derek hoped comforting her would help. Right now, his focus wasn't winning her over, it was helping her cope. Derek needed to be there for Meredith. He hoped it would be enough. He had been in this situation before, needing to be there for the one you didn't love. With Addison, he had tried to be there for her, just because he knew he needed to. It was his obligation and he was intent on trying to fill it. Yet, that had changed. He only hoped that Meredith could see what it had taken him forever to figure out.

All of a sudden, he saw Meredith's face come back to life. "That's it! Derek, take me to Finn, I need to see him."

Derek did as he was told, and stood up. He held out his hand to help Meredith up, but she didn't see it. She was distracted, and she didn't hold on. As he led to the room, Meredith followed him, several paces behind. When they got to the room, Meredith quickly grabbed a chair and sat down next to Finn. She grabbed his hand and rested her head on his arm. Frankly, Derek felt uncomfortable. He pulled up a chair next to Meredith, testing the waters to see if she would let him play the boyfriend card.

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Hey, Mer, it's going to be ok. We'll figure this thing out. It might be best though, if we leave for a little while so the nurses can do some post-operative test. Let me take you down to the cafeteria." He smiled at her because she had looked up from Finn. He looked in her eyes, they looked tired and worn. He felt sorry, knowing that he had caused so much of the pain in her eyes.

_And if you come back to me now_

_We'll go buy the Sunday Times_

_A little salt, a couple lines to beat the heat_

_You're going to swear I make them better_

_Than the restaurants down on Wellington Street_

"I can't leave right now. I'm staying with Finn tonight."

"Mer, listen to me." He took her chin in his hand, and she let it rest for a second, but then jerked away.

"No, you listen. I've realized something tonight. Finn and I are very much alike in one aspect. We are both alone. And loneliness, Derek, is a scary place to be. Tonight though, I'm going to be like you. I have an obligation to Finn. He was there for me when I needed him, and I'm going to be there for him. So, for now, I'm staying. Because he needs me, and I'm willing to be there for him."

Hearing this, Derek was losing control. It was so unfair, but Meredith was right. She was doing the same thing for Finn that he had done for Addison, and he completely understood. Yet, he couldn't deal with it. He suddenly realized how Meredith must have felt all of those months that he stayed with Addison. He was angry that he couldn't have her right then, and he was raging with jealousy. He was scared he was losing her, and so he leaned down, and kissed her. His own way of showing affection. He kissed her long. Her lips were so soft and she didn't seem to be fighting it, so he continued. But, then, he felt a hand on his chest, and Meredith pushed her lips away from his. "Not tonight. Tonight I'm here for Finn. I'm sorry."

_I took the latch off of the front gate_

_Hid the key up over the door_

_If you want to come home like you once said_

_I'm still on the same side of the bed_

_In slow New York_

Derek felt as if he had lost a battle. He felt worn and defeated. He needed to get out of that room and talk to someone. So he stood up and told Meredith he had to go check on another patient, explaining that he would be back soon. She simply nodded her head, and Derek walked out. He went in search of Dr. Burke, knowing that he was the only friend he could talk to right now.


	6. Three Times a Charm

**So I would just like to say thank you for all the wonderful reviews that I've gotten so far. They mean a lot, however it seems like they've slowed down… so review! I have a hunger for reviews and I love getting on to see new ones! If you love it or hate it, let me know, it's the only way I can improve the story for the future! **

**Also, I thought I'd say sorry for the long gap between updates. The creative juices haven't been flowing as easily. And also, I will be out of town Monday through Thursday, so expect the next update on Friday or Saturday. Again sorry for the wait, but in the mean time you can REVIEW!**

**I hope you enjoy, here it is:**

**(Disclaimer: Nothing, nothing, belongs to me. Disappointing, I know!)**

* * *

IV. Three Times a Charm

Song: Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band

MEREDITH

Meredith was stiff, and tired. For the past three days, she had done nothing but sit by Finn's side. He was so lifeless; it was painful to watch. He had been right; he really had no family. She had tried to call his father, the only living family member she knew of, but all she got was the answering machine, several times. She was exhausted, but felt fulfilled. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was doing the right thing. It felt good to be helping someone out in their time of need, because she knew how it felt to have no one, and it was a very lonely place.

Derek had come in many times in the past three days, and she was almost relieved. He was being very understanding, and seemed to understand the importance of standing his distance. She knew he was worried about her, and she was starting to wonder when she might take a break from this herself. However, she was adamant in staying with Finn as long as she could, which wouldn't be much longer, as she was on call to work the next evening.

Meredith had been talking to Finn. She had talked to his lifeless body much, because he was the only person right now who wouldn't judge her and say anything back. She had talked about everything: her mother, Izzie and her situation, Cristina and Burke, her father, her sisters, and Derek. As much as she tried to stray, her mind always turned back to Derek. It was borderline embarrassing. She couldn't seem to keep her thoughts off him, but she understood and had to reason with herself. She was in love, like some lovesick puppy, and as much as she tried to fight it and stay strong, she couldn't. Addison was no longer in the picture, and Derek wanted a life with her. It was like a dream. Then, there was Finn. He was the innocent victim in this because he knew nothing of what was going on. She felt compelled to stay with him and be there for him when he woke up, because no one else could.

_You've got your ball; you've got your chain_

_Tied to me tight, tie me up again_

_Who's got the claws in you, my friend_

_Into your heart I'll beat again_

Meredith was lost in thought when she a knock and the door opened. It was Cristina. Leave it to Cristina to knock and come in even before you get an answer! Cristina pulled over a chair, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she was thankful for Cristina's company.

"How are you holding up?" Cristina looked over at her, and she could see the concern in her eyes.

"I'm fine, I'm just starting to worry that Finn is never going to wake up."

"Be optimistic. If Burke can make it through, so will Finn. God, look at me! I sound like a human being. Please slap me, Meredith."

Meredith just laughed, which she felt she hadn't done in some time. It was good to have Cristina in the room with her. She always knew what to say, even if it was the most ridiculous smart-ass comment ever.

"Listen, I know you're worried about Finn, but we're all very worried about you two, even Derek. You need a break."

"I don't need a break, I'm fine. I know Derek, cares, but Cristina…"

Cristina interrupted her. "Damn it, Meredith. Stop lying to yourself. It's insane. You love the man, can't you just be here for Finn but be with Derek too. It would take a lot of the stress and gossip out of my life."

"Cristina, don't you understand. Finn and I are so much alike. We both have no family, all alone. I need to be here for him, because it is what I would want at a time like this. Finn needs me, Derek doesn't."

"No, Mer, there's something you don't seem to understand. You do have a family. You may not have you're mom or dad, but you damn sure have a family. You have Izzie, and George, and me. Hell, you even have Burke and creepy Callie." Cristina paused for a moment, and Meredith let what she had just said sink in. "But most importantly, you have love. You have Derek, who left his wife, who fell in love with you in the most awkward situation. You have a fucking family, so stop complaining."

Cristina picked up and quietly left the room. Meredith knew she wasn't mad, but was still shocked at what she had said. Meredith realized it. She had a family and love, why was she fighting like hell to push it away. She understood: it was crazy and it made no sense. She knew Finn needed her, but no one knew when he would wake up. She had to talk to Derek. She had to get her family back.

_Sweet like candy to the core_

_Sweet you rock and sweet you roll_

_Lost for you, I'm so lost for you_

DEREK

Three days. Derek hadn't shaved in three days, and the 5 O'clock shadow was growing long. Derek hadn't eaten in three days; he wasn't hungry, and he didn't feel any reason to try to eat. Derek hadn't really talked to Meredith in three days. He knew she needed her space, but it was killing his spirit.

He had friends though. As soon as he had left Finn's room that memorable night a few days ago, he had gone straight to Burke's room. He hoped that Burke could give him a few words of advice to win Meredith back, but Burke was as clueless as he was, after all, he was with Cristina, one of the most guarded and confusing people he knew. Both men tried hard to figure this situation out, but they were at a loss. However, Burke had been determined to help, so he brought in some reinforcement. He brought Cristina in and the three friends discussed Derek's situation. In the end, Cristina agreed to go talk to Meredith to try to persuade her to talk to Derek, because everyone knew that Meredith didn't love Finn, she just wanted to be there for him and she wasn't sure if she should follow her heart. Derek sympathized; he truly knew the feeling.

_If I've gone overboard__  
Then I'm begging you  
To forgive me In my haste  
When I'm holding you so girl  
Close to me_

However, on that third day, he found himself trying to find Cristina between surgeries. He was wondering when she planned to talk to Meredith and was waiting for his cue to try to talk to her, and bring her out of this crazy daze she was in. He wanted to be with her desperately and he was not good at trying to be patient. He was a go-getter, and he wanted to go and get Meredith right then. Just like on prom night. Why was he so scared to do it now?

Well, he realized, it was because he was scared at losing another love. He had lost Addison's love long before he lost her. It wasn't that she had wanted him to lose it, he just couldn't hold on. He was scared at losing Meredith's love too. He couldn't afford to be hurt like that again, and it wasn't fair for him to hurt someone like that again. There had to be some medium, some solid ground.

As he came out of surgery that afternoon, his beeper went off. It was Cristina paging him to the nurse's station. She hadn't been assigned to any of his cases that afternoon, and he took off running to the station, because her page could mean only one thing.

"Hey, Dr. Yang, you paged? What's going on?" He questioned very hopefully.

"I've done my good deed for the year, God I'm turning into such a woman! But, oh, yeah, I think it's safe to talk to her."

"What did she say?"

Cristina had turned to walk off, but stopped to answer him. "She didn't really say much of anything, but I think I got the message across. I could see it in her eyes. Just go talk to her."

"Thanks, Cristina. I owe you."

"Yea, you do. I'd like to scrub in on a few craniotomies for this."

He laughed; it never came without a price. "I'd let you perform the surgery yourself if she talks to me!" With that, he ran off. He was hoping that she didn't take his offer too seriously, but he knew he'd repay Cristina somehow. He headed straight for Finn's room, knowing that Meredith would be exactly where he left her hours ago when he had gone in to check on her.

He saw her as soon as he opened the door to the room. He knew he wouldn't cower out this time; he had to tell her how he felt. However, when he came in the room this time, something was different; Meredith seemed more awake and alive. She walked over to him, but didn't say a word.

_Tied up and twisted_

_the way I'd like to be_

_for you, for me_

_come crash into me_

_and i come into you  
_

"Meredith"

He kissed her once.

"I just need to let you know."

He kissed her twice.

"I'm sorry and I love you"

She kissed back. Three times a charm.

_Touch your lips just so I know__  
in your eyes, love, it glows so  
I'm bare boned and crazy for you_

"I know," Meredith said between what were becoming more frequent and fiery kisses. "I'm sorry too; I'm going to make this work. I'm going to be there for Finn, but I need you there too."

Soon after Meredith and Derek had forgotten the world around them, caught up in passionate kissing, Derek's pager went off. He reluctantly pulled away. "I'll be back" He walked out of the room, to his next emergency. As he left the room, he didn't worry. He knew Meredith, and he knew that he had left her smiling and completely happy; after all, it was how he felt. But there was still the issue of Finn, he knew she still cared for him, and letting go of him would be impossible for her, especially while he was in this state.

Suddenly he heard Meredith's voice behind him. "Derek" She practically yelled. He became worried and turned around. "It's Finn, come quick." Derek followed her back to Finn's room, terrified what he might find when he got there.

* * *

**So it may just be me and my corny self, but I love the 'three times a charm' thing. What's going to happen with Finn? I don't know… I haven't figured that out yet! Hate it; love it? REVIEW and I'll LOVE YOU!**


	7. An Unfair Advantage

**Hey, everyone, I cannot begin to apologize for the horribly long amount of time since the last update. I'm sorry. I've been really sick the past couple of weeks, and I've just had no motivation to write. Thank you for all the review, you all rock and please! Keep them coming! I love it when you read and review, it makes my day, my week, my month, heck it makes my year! SO please review! It's my only source of happiness (ha-ha kidding!)**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it, but you have no idea how much I wish I could…. My childhood dream!**

**Thanks, and enjoy, **

**--anatomycd**

* * *

VII. An Unfair Advantage 

Song: Since you've Been Around by Rosie Thomas

MEREDITH

"_It's Finn, Come Quick!"_

After getting Derek, she ran quickly back to Finn's room. She had already pressed the button and now heard 'CODE BLUE 4th FLOOR' over the intercom. Finn had started to flat line, and he was very close to death, as Meredith saw it. She was frazzled. He hadn't even gotten a chance to wake up. She felt as if she had betrayed him. Just like always, when she finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel, bam! Another car crash. She was used to it. Good things never came without their consequences.

It seemed like an eternity until Derek made his way to the room. He quickly began directing the code team as soon as he arrived. She could tell he was all business, and was going to do anything it took to save Finn's life. He tried some medicines before deciding that they needed to shock the heart. She watched as Derek forcefully grabbed the paddles. "Charge to 200" he yelled, in a voice that Meredith didn't hear from him often. It was his voice of fear and concern. Usually, as a doctor, it was easy to cover this voice up, and Meredith knew for a fact that Derek was very good at his 'calm in a crazy situation' voice. But, tonight, Meredith could hear the difference, and it almost scared her. It was hard to stay calm, when Derek, the one she depended on to be strong was breaking. It made her feel weak, and weak was not a good feeling for her mentality.

"Charge to 250" Derek yelled.

Nothing.

"Charge to 300"

Nothing.

"Charge to 350"

Nothing.

Derek slowly set down the paddles. Meredith exhaled a breath that she hadn't even known she was holding. It seemed he was too far-gone, she could see it in Derek's eyes. But it wasn't fair. It didn't seem like enough. Giving up wasn't a term in her vocabulary. After all, she had become a doctor when her mom told her she couldn't do it. She had fought for Derek, and worked hard to move on when he left. She have him a second chance when he deserved nothing more than to be alone. And now, Finn, a person she cared for deeply, and who cared about her, was dying. And she wasn't about to give up now.

"NO!" She yelled. "Derek, please, charge again."

"Meredith, there's nothing left. We need to call it."

"Please, Derek, Charge again. Don't do it for anyone else, do it for me."

_I'm wandering _

_I'm crawling_

_I'm two steps away from falling_

_I just can't seem to get around_

_I'm heavy_

_I'm weary_

_I'm not thinking clearly_

_I just can't seem to find solid ground_

_Since you've been around_

Derek picked up the paddles, as if on cue. "Charge to 400."

"Clear!" The nurse yelled. Meredith couldn't believe her eyes. First came a heartbeat, and sinus rhythm, and his eyes, they fluttered. Meredith let out a scream of joy. He could have died, but instead, it looked as if he might live.

"Finn! Oh My God! Are you alright? Can you hear me?"

"Meredith? What's going on?"

Everyone began to scatter out of the room. Derek stopped at Meredith side and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "I'll give you two a moment. I won't be far."

Derek stepped out of the room and the door closed. Meredith got a little nervous. It was just her and Finn. She broke the silence by starting to tell Finn what all had happened to him. He didn't seem worried. He almost seemed to understand. Meredith finished telling him all that happened and sat down and sighed.

Finn finally spoke up. "So you stayed with me this whole time?"

"Of course, you are a very important person to me Finn."

"But Meredith, What about Derek?"

"What about him?"

"I'm not blind; I've just been out of the loop for a couple of days. I know you were involved with him and I'm guessing you still love him. Am I getting warm?"

"Finn, I would have to say you're so hot you could fry an egg on your head." **(A/N: why, yes, yes you could! Sorry, I couldn't resist!)**

Finn laughed. He seemed totally okay with all that was going on, and Meredith thought it just didn't seem fair to him. "Yea, Finn, I'm sorry I love Derek. We have this history, that well, it's just, if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. Our past has been unbelievable. And as much as I like you, and how unfair this is to you, I see a future with Derek. Because Derek, he has a totally unfair advantage, he has my past and my future, and as much as I'd like to change that for you or for me, I can't. Derek has my heart, damnit! And he just won't let it go."

"I understand, Meredith"

"What? How?"

"As much as I was starting to fall for you, I really understand your situation. It's how I felt about Liz. And if she were still around, I know I'd be just a blindly in love with her as you are with Derek. As much as I still love her, I was trying to move on, and I wish so hard I could do that with you, but you shouldn't do that with me. Because I know from experience, when you find a love like the one you have with Derek, never, I repeat, never let go. Because I believe that kind of blessing only comes once in a lifetime."

Meredith started to cry. She had been sitting in a chair next to Finn, and she laid her head down on top of him and started to cry. He began stroking her hair and trying to calm her down. "This isn't fair to you Finn, I'm so sorry."

It's ok Meredith, thank you for being here for me through this. You're a great person."

Meredith began to cry harder, guilty that Finn was being there for her, in _his_ time of need.

_I'm running_

_I'm hiding_

_I'm afraid you'll never find me_

_because I've always felt lost in the crowd_

_I'm sinking_

_I'm drowning_

_I'm so afraid of losing_

_my head's been spinning round and round_

_since you've been around._

XXXXXXXXXXXX

DEREK

Derek sat up in bed. He rubbed his face. 5 o'clock shadow, he definitely needed to shave. He was in the trailer. He looked up and although he couldn't see anything, he immediately followed his nose to the kitchen. It smelled like bacon and coffee, something perfect to wake up to.

He walked into the kitchen (not a far walk!) And stood in amazement at what he saw. Meredith was standing there, completely nude, cooking breakfast. It seemed like a dream, as Meredith rarely cooked, and in the nude no less. She didn't acknowledge him, not seeming to know he was there. He looked at her from behind, she had the perfect body. Not a single line, so fresh and young. From the side, he noticed her breasts, again, perfect. He couldn't get over it, so inviting. He wanted to take advantage of her right there; he felt like the luckiest person in the world. He was itching for her, and couldn't hold it in much longer.

He went up to her, growing with each step. He touched her shoulder. She gave in to the pressure and turned around. "Crap Derek, I was going to bring you breakfast, you should go back to bed."

"I won't go back unless you're coming with me!"

She smiled a devilish grin. She turned off the stove and led him to the bedroom. He absolutely couldn't believe this. She got on the bed and he followed. She began to tear off her clothes, as there was nothing left on her. He was embarrassed and felt like a kid at how excited he had become. Meredith most definitely noticed, and giggled, as he began to fall on top of her.

"Derek. Derek."

XXXXXXXXX

"Derek. Derek"

He heard Cristina's voice, she was shaking him awake. Shit, it had just been a dream. So wickedly and horribly unfair. He noticed he was in the on call room. He couldn't remember coming there or falling asleep. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Damnit, Cristina, let me go back to sleep."

"No, Derek, I think you need to go find Meredith. She's pretty upset after talking to Finn."

"What did he say to her?" Derek was getting angry.

Cristina could see his anger, and corrected him. "No it's not that, she just feels guilty for leaving him and she really needs to see you. Just hurry."

Cristina flipped on the light, which was extremely bright, and left the room. He got completely dressed again headed out the room to find Meredith.

He walked down the hall, headed to Finn's room, when he heard a familiar giggle. It was Addison. He turned to see her, juju in hand, standing next to Mark, laughing at something he had just said. Then, Addison seemed to notice his presence and turned around to face Derek. Mark noticed Derek as well and grew very quite.

"Derek, hi. It's um, good to see you. How's your hand?" Mark flashed him a sarcastic smile. Derek rolled his eyes; this was too much.

"I'm doing well, Mark. Glad to see the scars on your face healed up well." He turned his head. "Addison, I'll see you later." He felt like an idiot. He needed a better comeback line, and he had never been very good at that anyway. His attention finally turned back to Meredith, and he ran off.

He found her, in the waiting room near Finn's room, with her head in her hands, crying. "Mer, hush, I promise it's ok."

"No, Derek, I'm a horrible person."

"No, you absolutely are not. You were there for Finn, you're a great person."

"No, Derek, you don't understand, I'm a horrible whore and it's just not fair."

"It's not fair?" Derek questioned, he was really confused and he felt like he and Meredith really weren't on the same page.

"No, it's not fair to Finn. You have this unfair advantage. You have my past, and oh God, now it looks as if you may have my future."

"Meredith, I promise it's ok. But I really don't understand; what are you talking about?" Derek was getting worried. It was her tone of voice, he didn't like the looks of were she was leading this conversation.

"Derek. I'm the mistress and it's not fair. And I'm late. And, Derek," She looked him in the eye and he felt almost frightened. "Derek, I think I might be pregnant."

"Seriously?" He was stunned.

_I'm foolish and crazy_

_I just think that maybe_

_I've got a lot of things to figure out_

_I'm winning_

_I'm losing_

_I'm afraid of never choosing_

_this heart of mine was so beaten down _

_before you came around_

* * *

**Cliffhanger, much? Let me just start by saying that this FanFic is not going exactly where you think it might be (a.k.a – down the drain, ha-ha I'm kidding). This will be much different from other fics, I promise, after all it's been pretty different so far, eh?**

**I absolutely love Derek's dream. I was really getting bored with this fic, and some MerDer fluff was just what I needed to get back on track. This fics been very dramatic and angsty I think, so expect more drama and more fluff, because I'm a huge fan of both.**

**So I hope you enjoyed, please say that you did! Please review, and also add any suggestions that you may have for the future of this fic, and I will add them in, because as of now, the future of this fic is wide open. So review, and give suggestions, and I will be grateful! Thank you for all your support! Enjoy!**


	8. And It All Works Out In The End

**And here it is: the very last chapter. Sorry to end it abruptly, but as you can tell, from the lack of updates, that I was getting bored with this, as there were too many post-LMR fictions. However, I'm never one to start a story and not finish, so here it is… the ending. And as the title says, it all works out in the end. Enjoy! And please review… you will see more from me when the new season begins. See you soon!**

* * *

VII. And It All Works Out in the End

Song: Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls

MEREDITH

_And you ask me what I want this year  
And I try to make this kind and clear  
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days  
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings  
And desire and love and empty things  
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days_

Shit. She hadn't meant to tell him about the baby. She had promised herself to be strong, but after the day she'd had, she didn't know how much longer it would be a secret. She had been quiet about it for the past few days, and it had just worked out that Meredith was late for her period. It had only been a few days since prom, and Meredith wouldn't have even thought anything of being late, it seemed too soon, but thanks to Cristina, and her big fat, Beverly Hills mouth, she found out.

So, here she was, sitting with Derek, her head in her hands. She wondered how she had gotten to this point, but as she reached the peak of her stress, she knew it could only go down, and maybe back to some sort of normalcy from here.

"Derek, what are we going to do?"

"Derek?" Derek went to stand up.

"Please answer me, Derek! I can't take it!"

Derek finally answered as Meredith reached her breaking point. "Come with me."

_So take these words  
And sing out loud  
Cuz everyone is forgiven now  
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again_

Meredith was stunned, she had no idea how he was feeling, he was showing no emotion, in either direction. And so, she obliged. She grabbed his hand from behind, to confused to care who was looking, and followed him.

He led her straight out of the hospital, and to his car. He opened her door, and climbed into the passenger side. Derek drove in an unfamiliar direction for quite some time, and Meredith felt her eyelids get heavy, and closed her eyes….

Meredith awoke to bright lights all around. She figured it was morning and had no idea what in hell had happened the rest of the night. But she was wrong. As she opened her eyes, she realized she was still in the car, and the lights she saw were illuminating from "The Stetson" sign she saw in front of her. She was at a hotel. To be exact, Derek had taken her to one of the nicest hotels in Seattle. She was still a little groggy to know what was going on, and once she finally regained all knowledge of what was going on and where she was, she realized that she was in the car, but Derek wasn't! Where could he have possibly gone? As she was trying to figure out the answer to this question, she saw Derek, run back towards the car.

She remembered that he had very little to say as they had left the hospital, and that he'd barley spoken two words since then, (although she had been asleep, after all.)

Derek opened her car door, still silent, and reached for her hand. She reached for him, and stood up to follow him. He handed his keys to the valet, and led her inside.

They made their way to the elevator, and once alone inside, Derek began to kiss in the crevice of her neck, but she was confused. Should she be letting him do this, lead her into a romantic hotel to be with her, when he hadn't even given her a single thought on the fact that she was three pregnancy tests positive she was pregnant with his child?

The elevator opened to the third floor, and Derek used his key to open the door across from the elevator. The door opened to a room filled with lavender flowers, a king sized bed, and the most beautiful display of chocolate covered strawberries she had ever seen. Who cared about his thoughts on the baby, after all, at this moment he seemed to have her best interest at heart!

He sat her down on the bed; he looked like he might be ready to talk. But she spoke up first. "Derek, where did this… how did you… did you plan this?"

"Let's just say you were asleep for a very long time." Derek flashed one of his McDreamy smiles, the kind that made her heart melt, and she leaned in to kiss him, but realized that she was mad. What about the baby?

"Derek, how come you haven't said another word about me being pregnant?"

"Oh, I figured you'd tell me in due time, but in the mean time, I've had the past hour and a half to dream about little Callie or Derek Junior."

Meredith exploded into hysterical laughter. "Oh, you have so seriously got to be kidding me!"

"Yea, I thought that would get a decent laugh." Derek went back to kissing her behind the ear, and on her neck, and down her chest, and to her stomach…

She was quite satisfied with this, as she began to make the same rounds on him. He was tracing circles on her stomach, and she laughed, thinking of how excited Derek would be to be a father. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

_And it's someplace simple where we could live  
And something only you can give  
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive_

_Cuz everyone is forgiven now  
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again_

DEREK

"MEREDITH! HAYDEN!" Derek yelled as he opened the front door to their house. Soon, his wife and daughter ran up to him. He had been gone to a conference in Arizona for a week, and had been more than ready to get home. After all, it was quite unfair to leave his very pregnant wife with a three-year-old, that was recipe for disaster. Derek scooped Hayden up and spun her around.

"Daddy, Daddy, let me go upstairs and get the picture I drew you!"

"Okay, honey, take you time." He finally made his way over to Meredith, and as he began to kiss her, he whispered in her ear. "Please, take your time."

Meredith only laughed. He knew she must be exhausted. As they sat down at the table in the kitchen, Derek placed a hand on Meredith's stomach. "And how is Miss Mary Holland doing today?" This was the name already decided upon for their next baby girl, due in two months. The name seemed quite fitting; after all, she was conceived there.

Meredith sighed as Derek kissed Meredith continuously until Hayden made her way back downstairs. "Here you go daddy, it's a picture of all of us."

"Well, it's better than anything Picasso ever drew, Miss Hayden. I think you could make a living from art like this."

"Really, you think so? I drew more while you were gone!" And with that, the excited little girl bounced out of the room, and off to draw another masterpiece.

"Hayden is spending the night with Aunt Izzie, Uncle Alex, and Cousin Margaret tonight. It took a whole bunch of convincing, considering daddy was coming home tonight, but I convinced her when I told her we needed alone time to plan her upcoming birthday party, only two weeks away. After that she totally understood."

"Well good, I missed her but I sure missed you too. We don't get much alone time these days. And I'm sure it's about to become so much less."

"All worth it Dr. Shepherd, all worth it."

Yes, his wife had a dirty mind, a very dirty mind, he could hear it in her voice, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining. It was one of his favorite things about her: the fact that she could be the cool mom, dedicated surgeon, and still be as flexible in bed as the night he met her. She was a triple threat, and he wouldn't trade it for the world.


End file.
